The Bane of My Existence

She's evil.  I mean, just look at her.  Take a closer look.  The cat's sole purpose in life is to ruin mine.  Her name is Pyper, and she is the bane of my existence. 

Now, let me be clear.  I love the cat.  Anyone would love the cat.  She loves people, she loves to be touched, and above all, she loves to be carried around like a baby.  Weird, right?  Trust me, you have no idea.  But in all of my run-ins with animals, this is the only animal that I've ever been around that has convinced me that she can think.  And reason.  And plot.  I am 100 percent positive that Pyper spends the entire day coming up with new ways to make my life miserable.  Every time I leave the house, I can see her staring at me through the kitchen window, and you can almost see the thought bubble materializing from her head.  "Let's see what kind of crap I can pull off today."  

Her favorite thing is to sit in an obscure place in the room, pretending to sleep, but really watching me putz.  Put things away, change some things, buy new things and find places for them.  No matter what, she will get up from her slumber, amble over to where the change has taken place, throw a couple meows my way, and promptly knock over whatever I've just put into place.  The best part is, once she does it, she runs over to me, rubs on my leg, and starts whining.  Really, Pyper.  Like I didn't see you do it?  Get serious.  Take yesterday for example.  I usually keep my cell phone on the buffet table next to my kitchen door.  It's safe there.  But I just finished a call and set my phone on my kitchen table.  Big mistake.  I walk over to the sink and here a thud.  "Meeooww."  Obviously.  My phone's on the hardwood floor and Pyper is whining away on the kitchen table.  

And she steals things.  Straws.  I mean, I know straws are absolutely enthralling, and I'm fighting an inner battle every time I see someone with a straw.  But I hold back.  Not Pyper.  She steals them.  In the sink, in the dish drainer, in a full cup.  I can't count the times I've found her with a straw, only to find the trail of liquid she left in her path as she whipped it out of the full cup it was occupying.  

You know those tiny little cover caps that sit on top of some unknown entity on the base of toilets?  Yea, I don't know what their purpose is either, and I most certainly didn't know that the cap was removable.  It's not like it just falls off spontaneously.  And it most definitely isn't in a place that you could accidentally kick it off.  You think that would stop Pyper?  I find her one day playing with an unknown white cap cover.  It took me 30 minutes to figure out where it went, and I'm still trying to figure out how she got it off or how she even figured out it could be moved.  She must have been plotting.  Are you starting to agree with me?  She's evil.

She's also mastered the element of surprise.  This, I believe, she does just to catch me off guard.  I think she's trying to stop my heart.  It's almost worked a few times.  Twice in the past 24 hours.  Juno gets up at 5 this morning, right?  Well, that's just too early to be getting up, so I put her out in the living room in her pen.  I'm just about ready to sleep walk back to bed when the weather man starts blasting me from my TV about the weather in some unknown state.  Woah, WHAT?  It knocks me off my feet and almost sends me running for the hills.  Not only did it scare the hell out of me, but the volume was up fairly close to the highest level it could go.  Oh my goodness, what monster is hiding out in my living room, trying to scare me to death with the weatherman?  None other than...PYPER!  She rolls over from her spot on the couch, meows, and I see the remote control peeking out from under her belly.  Amazing.  Good one, cat.  

Twelve hours later and I'm getting ready to fold some towels that were laid out to dry on my washing machine.  Just 2 simple towels, laid flat on the washer/dryer.  Seems harmless.  I gather them and get ready to throw them in the dryer to finish drying and it seems like they're a bit heavier than they should be.  Suddenly I realize I'm holding dead weight.  I scream and drop the bundle on the dryer, scrambling through the towels trying to find what I'm sure is something unpleasant.  Oh, I was so right.  Meow.  You guessed it.  Jess-0, Pyper-2.  

Just to let you all know, my beloved rescue Juno hasn't been feeling well.  She's been coughing violently, and the vet thinks it's either asthma due to allergy or (gulp) tracheal collapse.  The first can be controlled with drugs (so I've been told), but the tracheal collapse is more serious.  It occurs during excitement or stress where the tracheal rings collapse, which prohibit air from moving through the airway into the lungs, thus preventing Juno from getting the air that she needs.  She's currently on steroids, which will help with the allergy if that is the problem.  So, we'll know within 5 days.  If not, it's off to UGA Vet Hospital for more diagnostic testing.  Please keep her in your thoughts.